I let the website at Wing Stop do this order. First the wing calculator to see how much we should order, and then the ‘find your flavour’ page to see if I wanted no heat through to all the heat, and wet or dry. Still with me? Nope, me neither. I then went to the till where the man did not ask “what’s your flavour? Tell me what’s your flavour?” like he should have done, but did exercise caution with the Atomic flavour by warning that it’s seriously hot. Spoiler alert: it’s not. Then the buzzer thingy that says ‘good wings come to those who wait’. Spoiler alert: they don’t. 

There are things I like about Wing Stop and none of them involve chicken. I like the hip hop and grime heavy playlist that showcases some of the UK’s finest artists such as Pa Salieu to AJ Tracey and Slow Thai. I like the staff who are young and refreshing, and I even like the freestyle soft drink machine which allows flat Fanta as an option flavoured with peach. And I tried to give them a chance, I really honestly did. Normally on a menu I’ll order the stuff that I think might not work as an indication of the skill in the kitchen, but here I used their own calculator based on my own taste. 

What’s my flavour? Tell us what’s my flavour? Atomic, Korean, and Louisiana. The Atomic is no such thing; it’s hot, not really more so than Sriracha, and the sauce is blunt and one note but it’s the pick of the three on the default that we finished it. The Korean tastes like a spicy, garlicky BBQ sauce and is not really pleasant at all, but nothing compares to the Louisiana. One of the worst things I have eaten this year, the top of the nuggets is covered in a chalky rub and the bottom half are sat in a puddle of grease which stains and disgusts in equal measure. It’s food to hasten a ransom demand, a dish that the SAS should incorporate into their interrogation tactics. The chicken itself is okay, the fries anything but. 

The plot twist in all of this is that I’ve tried it before and quite liked it. Hungover one weekend I ordered a small meal on Deliveroo and tucked into the buffalo fries and mango habanero flavoured tenders. I don’t understand it, and maybe it’s the only case in history of a Deliveroo journey improving a product. Anyway, I sat in Wing Stop once and I can safely say I won’t be doing it again.